Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
How to break up with your therapist

Not sure when to stop therapy or how to bring up feedback with your therapist if it’s not working out? It’s common for clients to have a hard time talking to their therapist about things that concern therapy directly. Here, LA therapist Kim Bielak shares a few tips for having difficult conversations with your therapist, and a few things to keep in mind.

How to break up with your therapist
Couples Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?

The minute people suspect a partner is cheating, they often start to investigate. They ask questions like “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” and “Why didn’t you answer my call?” These questions can often put the accused party on defense, and become frustrated or even avoid the questions all together, only further adding to their partners concern.

What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?
Therapy, Personal Development
Kim Bielak
How does therapy actually work?

Whether or not you’ve been in therapy before, it can actually be quite hard to know what to expect when you start with a new therapist. In a way it’s a lot like dating (we are talking about a real relationship here). And, just like every client is unique, every therapist is also going to be a bit different from the next.

Moreover, when a new client walks through my door, I also don’t know exactly what our sessions will hold. I can’t know what unforeseen incident is going to hit an unexpected wound, the places they might not be ready to take me to for months - even years - into our work, or the parts of our work for them that will feel like a hit, and the parts that will feel like a flop…

How does therapy actually work?
Anxiety, Stress, Therapy
Kim Bielak
How to make friends with your anxiety

Clients often come to me looking for a way to “get rid of” their anxiety. Even if most people know it’s not realistic to think they’ll do away with it forever, their underlying intention is to “fix” their anxiety, “overcome” their anxiety, and get themselves to a place where they won’t have to “deal” with anxiety anymore.

The truth is, you’re never going to just “get rid of” anxiety. It’s kind of like saying you can just get rid of sadness. Sadness will come and go many times in your life, and quite frankly I don’t think we’d want a life completely without it…

How to make friends with your anxiety
Couples Therapy, Loneliness, Relationships, Therapy
Kim Bielak
Is codependent a dirty word?

I was recently invited to share my thoughts on codependency on fellow therapist Marissa Esqibel’s, podcast, “The Codependummy Podcast,” based on my experience as a clinician working with individuals and couples. And it got me thinking - rarely do I use the word “codependent” when working with clients because - like many terms in the mental health field - it’s become quite heavy with pre-existing stigma and negative connotation.

And yet one of my favorite things about our conversation was the opportunity to normalize the idea of codependency - explaining how it makes sense that people often enter relationships this way, and even share some personal experiences related to codependency of my own.

Is codependent a dirty word?

Personal Development

,

How does therapy actually work?

,
How does therapy actually work?

Whether or not you’ve been in therapy before, it can actually be quite hard to know what to expect when you start with a new therapist. In a way it’s a lot like dating (we are talking about a real relationship here). And, just like every client is unique, every therapist is also going to be a bit different from the next.

Moreover, when a new client walks through my door, I also don’t know exactly what our sessions will hold. I can’t know what unforeseen incident is going to hit an unexpected wound, the places they might not be ready to take me to for months - even years - into our work, or the parts of our work for them that will feel like a hit, and the parts that will feel like a flop…

, ,

Why don't therapists give advice?

, ,
Why don't therapists give advice?

"Just tell me what to do."

It's one of the most common things I find my clients saying without - you know - actually saying. Sometimes it's a look in their eye, as they long for me to be the one to save them from the uncomfortable silence. Sometimes it's a subtle sense of frustration in their voice, as they recalibrate their expectations around what they thought therapy would be. And, of course, there are the clients that just lay everything out in front of me and ask: "So now what?"

, , , , , ,

How you've been conditioned to "get ahead"

, , , , , ,
How you've been conditioned to "get ahead"

For me it started with the "honors track." The pressure to succeed never came from my parents - in fact, every time I was offered the option of testing for GATE, signing up for my first set of honors classes, or trying out for the varsity sport, my mom called around to check if it was even the right thing to do. She didn't want me to lose my childhood. She just wanted me to be a happy kid.

, ,

How to design your life

, ,
How to design your life

One of my first and favorite book recommendations for career changers is Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. In it, the authors take the popular Silicon Valley notion of design thinking - build, test, iterate, repeat - and show you how to apply it to the problems in your own life, be it a career transition, better work-balance, and more.

, , , , , , ,

Can you have PTSD from work?

, , , , , , ,
Can you have PTSD from work?

Our body doesn't do a great job of distinguishing between running from a lion and an urgent email when it comes to responding to stress, and in today's "always-on" culture, it also has a really big problem turning it off.

, , , , ,

Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

, , , , ,
Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

It's raining in California this week. The gentle drumming of raindrops, smell of moist asphalt, and warmth of a candle next to my laptop or steamy cup of tea in my hands... It brings me back to the little delights of being alive. The ones that don’t cost money. That don’t hinge upon “success.” That are completely outside the undisciplined pursuit of more.

, , ,

How to stop comparing yourself to others

, , ,
How to stop comparing yourself to others

One of the biggest things I do as a coach and as a therapist is hold a mirror up for my clients.

Mirrors make it possible to see some of the things we can't from our own limited point of view, and while often many of these reflections tend to be patterns and beliefs we may have previously been unaware of, I've found that one of the most consistent and significant ways I serve my clients is to mirror the unique strengths and qualities in themselves they simply seem unable to accept.

,

Why therapists actually love that awkward silence

,
Why therapists actually love that awkward silence

If I just say the words "awkward silence," can you already start to feel the subtle discomfort begin to creep up through your body? The compulsion to already devise the quickest route to escape it? The anxiety, self consciousness, and existential dread that perhaps this painful experience will never come to an end…

,

How to work with, rather than against, your natural flow

,
How to work with, rather than against, your natural flow

As much as we want to be as productive as we can throughout the week, the unfortunate truth is our bodies are constantly going through cycles - whether it's our daily cortisol levels, monthly hormonal levels, or simply being an unexpected space cadet after a couple hours of energy-draining work. So while we might make valiant attempts to squeeze in that side hustle after work or read something dense every night before bed, we often get there only to find we're "not in the mood”…

, ,

Are you living someone else's values thinking they're your own? ⁠

, ,
Are you living someone else's values thinking they're your own? ⁠

“If over time more and more of a person’s true values become replaced by values taken and borrowed from others but perceived to be their own, the self will become a house divided against itself. They will feel as if they do not really know who they are and what they want.”

- Calvin S. Hall & Gardner Lindzey

, , , , , , , , , ,

Why it's common to regress in the pandemic

, , , , , , , , , ,
Why it's common to regress in the pandemic

Two weeks ago I had my first group supervision as a new Marriage & Family Therapy Trainee at The Center for Professional Counseling. As we discussed each of our clients with my new supervisor - whose thick accent and provocative metaphors makes me feel like I have my very own personal Esther Perel - one of her comments regarding a client stuck with me pretty strongly: "This is a time that we all regress."

A pretty bold statement; and yet it also felt like it hit the nail exactly on the head…

, ,

Did you know: There are different ways to "know"?

, ,
Did you know: There are different ways to "know"?

Clients often come to me in the middle of a big decision: whether or not to pursue a career change, go back to school, accept a certain offer, etc.

First, I encourage you to destroy the idea that you will ever "know" with 100% certainty what you should do next, or that there is one "right" direction at all. However, there are decisions and lives that will feel more fulfilling, authentic, and satisfying than others, and there are many different ways of tapping the information and intelligence that will guide you closer to them.

We call these different ways of knowing…

, , , , ,

Are you trapped in the epidemic of "success"?

, , , , ,
Are you trapped in the epidemic of "success"?

Perhaps by now you're familiar with one of my favorite quotes pasted across my email signature, website and more:

"The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind." - David W. Orr.

It was an important mantra for me during a time in which I was considering the next chapter in my career, and it was one of the first times I truly recognized that to be "successful" - a quality and condition of worth we've been taught to chase our whole lives - by itself doesn't necessarily serve anything other than our own ego. As Alok, himself, asserts in his talk: "Success is about self-promotion, not putting change into motion."

, , , ,

What learned about my anxiety by "giving up" worrying for 3 months

, , , ,
What learned about my anxiety by "giving up" worrying for 3 months

For my class on Addiction this term we've been challenged to give something up for the duration of the quarter, and right below some of the usual suspects of coffee, alcohol, social media and other well-known and more socially acceptable forms of addiction, one caught my eye: worry.

Talking about race: Notes from our White Fragility discussion group

Talking about race: Notes from our White Fragility discussion group

Last week was the final week of the White Fragility discussion group I organized during the initial stages of protests sparked by George Floyd’s death. As we begin to see this movement take up a smaller and smaller percentage of our news and social media space again, I thought it would be a nice time to share just a few of the highlights, as well as how a few people personally chose to answer the question that is still very much on everyone’s mind: What else can I “do”?

,

How breaking big goals into smaller ones helps boost your motivation

,
How breaking big goals into smaller ones helps boost your motivation

One of the biggest things I do when helping coach people in career transitions it to help them set and keep them accountable to their goals. The first is the really big goal - I sometimes call it the "dream" - what do you want in life and what direction are you headed - which in and of itself has many steps to get to.

, , , ,

How to re-claim your work-life boundaries

, , , ,
How to re-claim your work-life boundaries

“Never feel guilty for taking your full lunch break, needing a mental health day, or using your vacation time. Make time for yourself now because you won’t get that time back.”

For many of us this can be just as relevant now, in the middle of a pandemic, as it is when things are "normal." If you are working from home or trying to fill your time at home, are you allowing yourself to take real breaks? Or have you let work bleed earlier and later into your mornings and evenings because you no longer have the boundaries set by your normal routine? ⁠

,

Do therapists need therapists?

,
Do therapists need therapists?

I came across a meme that made me laugh the other day:

“How can psychology majors be depressed…bro, just look at your notes.”

In reality though, psychology students and yes, even your therapist, still have stuff they work through, and yes, even sometimes still struggle with their own mental health battles.

, , , ,

Mindfulness: who, what, when, where, why

, , , ,
Mindfulness: who, what, when, where, why

Sometimes I feel like we've started to use the term "mindfulness" so much we start to gloss over it - which you have to admit is a little ironic, given that that's the exact opposite of its intent.⁠
⁠
Think about it - the last time you saw something that said "be present," did you actually pause, take a step back, and savor the moment you were in? Kudos if you did, but if you're like most of us, you probably just kept scrolling.⁠

Follow Me

Online Therapy
 
 

Kim Bielak, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946

(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105 

Disclaimer