Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
How to break up with your therapist

Not sure when to stop therapy or how to bring up feedback with your therapist if it’s not working out? It’s common for clients to have a hard time talking to their therapist about things that concern therapy directly. Here, LA therapist Kim Bielak shares a few tips for having difficult conversations with your therapist, and a few things to keep in mind.

How to break up with your therapist
Couples Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?

The minute people suspect a partner is cheating, they often start to investigate. They ask questions like “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” and “Why didn’t you answer my call?” These questions can often put the accused party on defense, and become frustrated or even avoid the questions all together, only further adding to their partners concern.

What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?
Therapy, Personal Development
Kim Bielak
How does therapy actually work?

Whether or not you’ve been in therapy before, it can actually be quite hard to know what to expect when you start with a new therapist. In a way it’s a lot like dating (we are talking about a real relationship here). And, just like every client is unique, every therapist is also going to be a bit different from the next.

Moreover, when a new client walks through my door, I also don’t know exactly what our sessions will hold. I can’t know what unforeseen incident is going to hit an unexpected wound, the places they might not be ready to take me to for months - even years - into our work, or the parts of our work for them that will feel like a hit, and the parts that will feel like a flop…

How does therapy actually work?
Anxiety, Stress, Therapy
Kim Bielak
How to make friends with your anxiety

Clients often come to me looking for a way to “get rid of” their anxiety. Even if most people know it’s not realistic to think they’ll do away with it forever, their underlying intention is to “fix” their anxiety, “overcome” their anxiety, and get themselves to a place where they won’t have to “deal” with anxiety anymore.

The truth is, you’re never going to just “get rid of” anxiety. It’s kind of like saying you can just get rid of sadness. Sadness will come and go many times in your life, and quite frankly I don’t think we’d want a life completely without it…

How to make friends with your anxiety
Couples Therapy, Loneliness, Relationships, Therapy
Kim Bielak
Is codependent a dirty word?

I was recently invited to share my thoughts on codependency on fellow therapist Marissa Esqibel’s, podcast, “The Codependummy Podcast,” based on my experience as a clinician working with individuals and couples. And it got me thinking - rarely do I use the word “codependent” when working with clients because - like many terms in the mental health field - it’s become quite heavy with pre-existing stigma and negative connotation.

And yet one of my favorite things about our conversation was the opportunity to normalize the idea of codependency - explaining how it makes sense that people often enter relationships this way, and even share some personal experiences related to codependency of my own.

Is codependent a dirty word?

Depression

, , , ,

How our stories shape reality

, , , ,
Therapy for stress

The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.

- William James

A lot of therapeutic approaches - from cognitive-behavioral therapy to narrative therapy - employ the same powerful insight: our reality is created by the stories we see it through.

When we choose to see all we have, rather than all we don't have yet, we live in a different world. When we choose to see a challenge as an opportunity rather than a calamity, we take different actions.

In fact, our interpretation of any given event can change our response all the way down to the biological level! One perspective can send us straight into fight or flight - heart pounding, palms, sweating, shallow breath - while just a small reframe suddenly allow our nervous system to remain calm, grounded and open to new experience. This is, quite literally, the power of a thought.

So next time you find yourself feeling triggered by a situation, step back ask: What is the story I'm telling myself? What might be different if I chose to see it a different way?

, , ,

How to get out of your head

, , ,
How to get out of your head

We live a lot of our lives in our heads. A lot of my clients literally come to therapy because they can't seem to "get out of their heads." ⁠And yet when it comes to the wisdom, information and immense healing potential our bodies often offer, our culture has historically overlooked and devalued the body, reinforcing a great split between body and mind.⁠

, , , , ,

Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

, , , , ,
Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

It's raining in California this week. The gentle drumming of raindrops, smell of moist asphalt, and warmth of a candle next to my laptop or steamy cup of tea in my hands... It brings me back to the little delights of being alive. The ones that don’t cost money. That don’t hinge upon “success.” That are completely outside the undisciplined pursuit of more.

, , , , , , , , , ,

Why it's common to regress in the pandemic

, , , , , , , , , ,
Why it's common to regress in the pandemic

Two weeks ago I had my first group supervision as a new Marriage & Family Therapy Trainee at The Center for Professional Counseling. As we discussed each of our clients with my new supervisor - whose thick accent and provocative metaphors makes me feel like I have my very own personal Esther Perel - one of her comments regarding a client stuck with me pretty strongly: "This is a time that we all regress."

A pretty bold statement; and yet it also felt like it hit the nail exactly on the head…

, , , ,

Mindfulness: who, what, when, where, why

, , , ,
Mindfulness: who, what, when, where, why

Sometimes I feel like we've started to use the term "mindfulness" so much we start to gloss over it - which you have to admit is a little ironic, given that that's the exact opposite of its intent.⁠
⁠
Think about it - the last time you saw something that said "be present," did you actually pause, take a step back, and savor the moment you were in? Kudos if you did, but if you're like most of us, you probably just kept scrolling.⁠

, , , ,

Emotions in a day

, , , ,
daily emotions journal

Have you ever been kinda annoyed at the people (let's be real, probably including me) who always tell you "nothing is permanent"? Ok, maybe it's just me...but honestly, when you're feeling a certain way (sad, anxious, lonely...) it can be so hard to think of it changing anytime soon. That is, until you actually watch it happen...⁠
⁠
Try it: Keep a log of all of your emotions or moods throughout the day today. Set a timer, check in once every hour or so, and write down how you currently feel.⁠
⁠
You don't need to analyze it or try and figure out where you were and what you were doing that caused a certain emotion (certainly extra credit if you want!) You simply need to notice. How did your emotions change - how did they flow in and flow out - throughout the day?⁠
⁠
Next time you're dealing with a difficult emotion, does reminding yourself that it's not permanent feel any different? Can you embrace the more challenging emotions as part of a full palette of paint? 🎨⁠

Disclaimer: While occasionally I include research and insights from my graduate classes in clinical psychology on my blog, I am not at this time a licensed therapist or mental health provider and therefore no content on this blog or website should not be considered or serve as replacement for therapeutic advice.

⁠

Follow Me

Online Therapy
 
 

Kim Bielak, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946

(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105 

Disclaimer