3 Things the Olympics Can Teach Us About Mental Resilience

3 Things the Olympics Can Teach Us About Mental Resilience

Many of you may not know that back before I became a therapist, I spent a couple years using the free time beyond my 9-to-5 getting involved with the greater fitness community to get an informally recognized national holiday created out of National Fitness Day in the US.

Training for my first half marathon in my 20’s had been such a powerful experience in opening my eyes to the impact of physical activity and the body mental health and well-being that I wanted to share it with anyone who would listen.

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How to Disconnect on Vacation

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How to Disconnect on Vacation

Earlier this month I got a call from Bloomberg News looking to discuss how to better take vacation. That’s right - while it may come as no surprise, it is certainly worth taking pause to note just how much many of us have lost the art of taking a truly effective vacation. Instead, if we’re not already shortchanging the time off we give ourselves, many of us go out on our vacations so mired in guilt in anxiety that we rob ourselves of the very chance to recharge that vacation is meant to give us in the first place.

You can read the short piece on Bloomberg here, and, as summer is just around the corner, I thought I’d take the opportunity to share a few more ideas that may help you take back your own vacation below…

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Navigating holiday burnout

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Navigating holiday burnout

When I think about the end of the year, one of two images comes to mind:

Frantic. Holiday. Rush. Overcommitted schedules, cycling between hosting, attending, and recovering. End-of-year deadlines. Overwhelming family dynamics. Impossible parking near any shopping center. And nervous breakdowns - probably more than one.

or…

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How to break up with your therapist

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How to break up with your therapist

Not sure when to stop therapy or how to bring up feedback with your therapist if it’s not working out? It’s common for clients to have a hard time talking to their therapist about things that concern therapy directly. Here, LA therapist Kim Bielak shares a few tips for having difficult conversations with your therapist, and a few things to keep in mind.

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What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?

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What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?

The minute people suspect a partner is cheating, they often start to investigate. They ask questions like “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” and “Why didn’t you answer my call?” These questions can often put the accused party on defense, and become frustrated or even avoid the questions all together, only further adding to their partners concern.

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How does therapy actually work?

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How does therapy actually work?

Whether or not you’ve been in therapy before, it can actually be quite hard to know what to expect when you start with a new therapist. In a way it’s a lot like dating (we are talking about a real relationship here). And, just like every client is unique, every therapist is also going to be a bit different from the next.

Moreover, when a new client walks through my door, I also don’t know exactly what our sessions will hold. I can’t know what unforeseen incident is going to hit an unexpected wound, the places they might not be ready to take me to for months - even years - into our work, or the parts of our work for them that will feel like a hit, and the parts that will feel like a flop…

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How to make friends with your anxiety

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How to make friends with your anxiety

Clients often come to me looking for a way to “get rid of” their anxiety. Even if most people know it’s not realistic to think they’ll do away with it forever, their underlying intention is to “fix” their anxiety, “overcome” their anxiety, and get themselves to a place where they won’t have to “deal” with anxiety anymore.

The truth is, you’re never going to just “get rid of” anxiety. It’s kind of like saying you can just get rid of sadness. Sadness will come and go many times in your life, and quite frankly I don’t think we’d want a life completely without it…

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Is codependent a dirty word?

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Is codependent a dirty word?

I was recently invited to share my thoughts on codependency on fellow therapist Marissa Esqibel’s, podcast, “The Codependummy Podcast,” based on my experience as a clinician working with individuals and couples. And it got me thinking - rarely do I use the word “codependent” when working with clients because - like many terms in the mental health field - it’s become quite heavy with pre-existing stigma and negative connotation.

And yet one of my favorite things about our conversation was the opportunity to normalize the idea of codependency - explaining how it makes sense that people often enter relationships this way, and even share some personal experiences related to codependency of my own.

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How does somatic therapy work?

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How does somatic therapy work?

Oftentimes in session when I slow my clients down just enough to actually notice and stay with their body, there is something there, just below the surface.⁠

Sometimes it's emotion - tears, grief, anger, pain. Sometimes it's even a part - any indication of imperfection they are afraid to accept, or an identity that's unsafe to express.⁠..

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How our stories shape reality

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Therapy for stress

The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.

- William James

A lot of therapeutic approaches - from cognitive-behavioral therapy to narrative therapy - employ the same powerful insight: our reality is created by the stories we see it through.

When we choose to see all we have, rather than all we don't have yet, we live in a different world. When we choose to see a challenge as an opportunity rather than a calamity, we take different actions.

In fact, our interpretation of any given event can change our response all the way down to the biological level! One perspective can send us straight into fight or flight - heart pounding, palms, sweating, shallow breath - while just a small reframe suddenly allow our nervous system to remain calm, grounded and open to new experience. This is, quite literally, the power of a thought.

So next time you find yourself feeling triggered by a situation, step back ask: What is the story I'm telling myself? What might be different if I chose to see it a different way?

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Why don't therapists give advice?

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Why don't therapists give advice?

"Just tell me what to do."

It's one of the most common things I find my clients saying without - you know - actually saying. Sometimes it's a look in their eye, as they long for me to be the one to save them from the uncomfortable silence. Sometimes it's a subtle sense of frustration in their voice, as they recalibrate their expectations around what they thought therapy would be. And, of course, there are the clients that just lay everything out in front of me and ask: "So now what?"

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How to get out of your head

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How to get out of your head

We live a lot of our lives in our heads. A lot of my clients literally come to therapy because they can't seem to "get out of their heads." ⁠And yet when it comes to the wisdom, information and immense healing potential our bodies often offer, our culture has historically overlooked and devalued the body, reinforcing a great split between body and mind.⁠

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How you've been conditioned to "get ahead"

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How you've been conditioned to "get ahead"

For me it started with the "honors track." The pressure to succeed never came from my parents - in fact, every time I was offered the option of testing for GATE, signing up for my first set of honors classes, or trying out for the varsity sport, my mom called around to check if it was even the right thing to do. She didn't want me to lose my childhood. She just wanted me to be a happy kid.

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How to design your life

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How to design your life

One of my first and favorite book recommendations for career changers is Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. In it, the authors take the popular Silicon Valley notion of design thinking - build, test, iterate, repeat - and show you how to apply it to the problems in your own life, be it a career transition, better work-balance, and more.

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Can you have PTSD from work?

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Can you have PTSD from work?

Our body doesn't do a great job of distinguishing between running from a lion and an urgent email when it comes to responding to stress, and in today's "always-on" culture, it also has a really big problem turning it off.

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Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

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Minimalism and why little is needed to make a happy life

It's raining in California this week. The gentle drumming of raindrops, smell of moist asphalt, and warmth of a candle next to my laptop or steamy cup of tea in my hands... It brings me back to the little delights of being alive. The ones that don’t cost money. That don’t hinge upon “success.” That are completely outside the undisciplined pursuit of more.

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How to stop comparing yourself to others

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How to stop comparing yourself to others

One of the biggest things I do as a coach and as a therapist is hold a mirror up for my clients.

Mirrors make it possible to see some of the things we can't from our own limited point of view, and while often many of these reflections tend to be patterns and beliefs we may have previously been unaware of, I've found that one of the most consistent and significant ways I serve my clients is to mirror the unique strengths and qualities in themselves they simply seem unable to accept.

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Why therapists actually love that awkward silence

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Why therapists actually love that awkward silence

If I just say the words "awkward silence," can you already start to feel the subtle discomfort begin to creep up through your body? The compulsion to already devise the quickest route to escape it? The anxiety, self consciousness, and existential dread that perhaps this painful experience will never come to an end…

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How to work with, rather than against, your natural flow

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How to work with, rather than against, your natural flow

As much as we want to be as productive as we can throughout the week, the unfortunate truth is our bodies are constantly going through cycles - whether it's our daily cortisol levels, monthly hormonal levels, or simply being an unexpected space cadet after a couple hours of energy-draining work. So while we might make valiant attempts to squeeze in that side hustle after work or read something dense every night before bed, we often get there only to find we're "not in the mood”…

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Kim (Bielak) Slipski, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946

(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105 

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