Tools, tips, and musings related to all things therapy and mental health.
If I just say the words "awkward silence," can you already start to feel the subtle discomfort begin to creep up through your body? The compulsion to already devise the quickest route to escape it? The anxiety, self consciousness, and existential dread that perhaps this painful experience will never come to an end…
Clients often come to me in the middle of a big decision: whether or not to pursue a career change, go back to school, accept a certain offer, etc.
First, I encourage you to destroy the idea that you will ever "know" with 100% certainty what you should do next, or that there is one "right" direction at all. However, there are decisions and lives that will feel more fulfilling, authentic, and satisfying than others, and there are many different ways of tapping the information and intelligence that will guide you closer to them.
We call these different ways of knowing…
"The emotions are of quite extraordinary importance in the total economy of living organisms and do not all deserve being put into opposition with 'intelligence.' They are, it seems, themselves a high order of intelligence." - O. Hobart Mowrer
As most things in life, it can often be easy to simplify our emotions into two categories: good and bad. When we feel down, we try to change it. When we feel good, we cling to it. When we feel anything at all, we rationalize it because we’ve been told not to make decisions with our hearts, but rather with our heads.
And, in fact, it’s actually pretty amazing. You can think back to a past romance and the butterflies come straight back. Or you can recall a former loss and that awful feeling in your pit of your stomach will still physically manifest. I often talk about muscle memory in my own classes as a form of building habits in our practice, but really, the body is remembering much more than just the physical position it’s in and the muscles that are engaged.
“If, when swimming, you are caught in a strong current, it is fatal to resist. You must swim with it and gradually edge to the side. One who falls from a height with stiff limbs will break them, but if he relaxes like a cat he will fall safely. A building without “give” in its structure will easily collapse in storm or earthquake, and a car without the cushioning of tires and springs will soon come apart on the road.” - Alan Watts
Last year I made a wager with myself. If I didn’t get into Stanford Business School, I would quit my job and do the intensive yoga teacher training I had always dreamed of but never imagined I’d have enough paid-time-off time to do. I didn’t necessarily want to be a full-time yoga teacher, but the history, philosophy even basic anatomy behind the magic I’d experienced in class for years called me to learn more as a mode of self-discovery.
When was the last time you watched the clouds? Perhaps you were a kid pointing out funny shapes, and perhaps even this has been lost on the next generation of iPhone-carrying tots. But I mean have you ever really, seriously taken enough time to gaze up and notice just how huge and majestic those big puffs of paint looming overhead every single day can truly be?
Kim (Bielak) Slipski, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946
(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105
