Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
How to break up with your therapist

Not sure when to stop therapy or how to bring up feedback with your therapist if it’s not working out? It’s common for clients to have a hard time talking to their therapist about things that concern therapy directly. Here, LA therapist Kim Bielak shares a few tips for having difficult conversations with your therapist, and a few things to keep in mind.

How to break up with your therapist
Couples Therapy, Relationships
Kim Bielak
What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?

The minute people suspect a partner is cheating, they often start to investigate. They ask questions like “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” and “Why didn’t you answer my call?” These questions can often put the accused party on defense, and become frustrated or even avoid the questions all together, only further adding to their partners concern.

What do I do if I think my partner is cheating?
Therapy, Personal Development
Kim Bielak
How does therapy actually work?

Whether or not you’ve been in therapy before, it can actually be quite hard to know what to expect when you start with a new therapist. In a way it’s a lot like dating (we are talking about a real relationship here). And, just like every client is unique, every therapist is also going to be a bit different from the next.

Moreover, when a new client walks through my door, I also don’t know exactly what our sessions will hold. I can’t know what unforeseen incident is going to hit an unexpected wound, the places they might not be ready to take me to for months - even years - into our work, or the parts of our work for them that will feel like a hit, and the parts that will feel like a flop…

How does therapy actually work?
Anxiety, Stress, Therapy
Kim Bielak
How to make friends with your anxiety

Clients often come to me looking for a way to “get rid of” their anxiety. Even if most people know it’s not realistic to think they’ll do away with it forever, their underlying intention is to “fix” their anxiety, “overcome” their anxiety, and get themselves to a place where they won’t have to “deal” with anxiety anymore.

The truth is, you’re never going to just “get rid of” anxiety. It’s kind of like saying you can just get rid of sadness. Sadness will come and go many times in your life, and quite frankly I don’t think we’d want a life completely without it…

How to make friends with your anxiety
Couples Therapy, Loneliness, Relationships, Therapy
Kim Bielak
Is codependent a dirty word?

I was recently invited to share my thoughts on codependency on fellow therapist Marissa Esqibel’s, podcast, “The Codependummy Podcast,” based on my experience as a clinician working with individuals and couples. And it got me thinking - rarely do I use the word “codependent” when working with clients because - like many terms in the mental health field - it’s become quite heavy with pre-existing stigma and negative connotation.

And yet one of my favorite things about our conversation was the opportunity to normalize the idea of codependency - explaining how it makes sense that people often enter relationships this way, and even share some personal experiences related to codependency of my own.

Is codependent a dirty word?

Positive Psychology

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How our stories shape reality

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Therapy for stress

The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.

- William James

A lot of therapeutic approaches - from cognitive-behavioral therapy to narrative therapy - employ the same powerful insight: our reality is created by the stories we see it through.

When we choose to see all we have, rather than all we don't have yet, we live in a different world. When we choose to see a challenge as an opportunity rather than a calamity, we take different actions.

In fact, our interpretation of any given event can change our response all the way down to the biological level! One perspective can send us straight into fight or flight - heart pounding, palms, sweating, shallow breath - while just a small reframe suddenly allow our nervous system to remain calm, grounded and open to new experience. This is, quite literally, the power of a thought.

So next time you find yourself feeling triggered by a situation, step back ask: What is the story I'm telling myself? What might be different if I chose to see it a different way?

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Did you know: There are different ways to "know"?

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Did you know: There are different ways to "know"?

Clients often come to me in the middle of a big decision: whether or not to pursue a career change, go back to school, accept a certain offer, etc.

First, I encourage you to destroy the idea that you will ever "know" with 100% certainty what you should do next, or that there is one "right" direction at all. However, there are decisions and lives that will feel more fulfilling, authentic, and satisfying than others, and there are many different ways of tapping the information and intelligence that will guide you closer to them.

We call these different ways of knowing…

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Do therapists need therapists?

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Do therapists need therapists?

I came across a meme that made me laugh the other day:

“How can psychology majors be depressed…bro, just look at your notes.”

In reality though, psychology students and yes, even your therapist, still have stuff they work through, and yes, even sometimes still struggle with their own mental health battles.

Uncharted territory

Uncharted territory

While I’ve been hesitant to add more to the current conversation around Coronavirus for many reasons, not least that I am not an expert, and I am especially not an expert on the wide range of ways people from all walks of life are being affected, as I’ve taken call after call these past couple weeks, it has become clear that between layoffs, hiring freezes, and the great uncertainties of how to plan around so many unknowns, we could all use a few more words of hope and comfort as it relates to the future right now, especially those of whose careers are currently up in the air. While I have encouraged many who have been able to keep their jobs and work from home to use this time for more intentional planning and personal reflection, for many in the middle of a transition already this may simply not be a reality. And so I wanted to offer just a few thoughts that I hope will help some of you who are feeling the weight of a changing job market, even if they cannot necessarily speak perfectly to all.

What happens when you’re spiraling...

What happens when you’re spiraling...

We’re all familiar with the idea of “spiraling” down, or out of control. Chances are you’ve been caught in the cycle more than once. No matter how hard you try, somehow you just keep sinking deeper and deeper into an infinite hole of rumination, negativity, anxiety or fear.

Well, as it turns out, “spiraling” is actually a pretty good description of what goes on in the emotional process, though it can be hard to detect the nuances when you’re smack in the middle of it.

Let’s break it down.

Positive psychology & what it means to flourish

Positive psychology & what it means to flourish

I’ve spent the last several months pouring over research, trialing out various activities and “interventions,” and writing dozens of journal entries, papers and reflections in a graduate course called “The Science and Application of Positive Psychology” offered through Harvard.

Still in the midst of a quarter-life crisis and career change, I signed up for the class because I knew I wanted to pursue a path somewhere in this large and mushy arena they called “positive psychology.” I was also so energized by my yoga teacher training and recent explorations in self care, mindfulness and meditation, that I developed an insatiable desire to learn and understand all the science and theory that was out there behind it.

He Who Moves to California

He Who Moves to California

One of the highlights of my past year was coming home to California. But, while a an escape from the long winters back East was a welcome change, it was far from the only reason.

According to Nobel prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, while we might expect climate to have a greater impact on well-being, overall life satisfaction as reported by people in California is actually no different than that of people in the Midwest. But Kahneman also suggests that one who has recently moved to California will respond quite differently.

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Kim Bielak, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946

(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105 

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