While I’ve been hesitant to add more to the current conversation around Coronavirus for many reasons, not least that I am not an expert, and I am especially not an expert on the wide range of ways people from all walks of life are being affected, as I’ve taken call after call these past couple weeks, it has become clear that between layoffs, hiring freezes, and the great uncertainties of how to plan around so many unknowns, we could all use a few more words of hope and comfort as it relates to the future right now, especially those of whose careers are currently up in the air. While I have encouraged many who have been able to keep their jobs and work from home to use this time for more intentional planning and personal reflection, for many in the middle of a transition already this may simply not be a reality. And so I wanted to offer just a few thoughts that I hope will help some of you who are feeling the weight of a changing job market, even if they cannot necessarily speak perfectly to all.
1. This is not permanent
Even if you are majorly impacted through the loss of a job, or recent plans to seek a new one get put on hold, none of it will last forever. It doesn’t mean the next [insert timeframe] will be easy, but it also doesn’t mean you will forever be struggling to make ends meet, stuck with a job you needed to take just to pay the bills, or fail to live out your dream - you only need to be patient enough to get through these things for a while. If you have an emergency fund*, know that it is there to support you through exactly this moment, and that you can lean on it so you don’t need to make major decisions solely out of fear. And when you find yourself in the mindset that you have failed or the rest of your life has suddenly disintegrated, go 5 or 10 years out to put it back into perspective. Even if you have to zig-zag a bit, you will get back on track, and this will simply be one moment within a long string of others.
2. This is an opportunity to practice acceptance, patience, and the ability to adjust
Although it may be a slightly steeper one than you are used to, this is not the first hurdle in your best-laid plans, and it will certainly not be your last. And, it is a very real possibility that some of you may have to re-evaluate recent plans or the immediate next step within your larger career path. And that’s ok. How can you sit with that idea with compassion, rather than dissatisfaction? How can you adjust your expectations - not in a negative way, but simply one that allows you more space in the timeline you originally created for yourself?
“All sailors know you can’t sail a course in one straight line - you tack according to what the winds and conditions allow.”
Finally, how can you embrace the present reality and work within it to find alternate solutions? As I’ve written about in a previous post on optimism, positive psychologist Charles R. Synder defines hope not as faith in that which you can’t control, but as one’s perceived ability to successfully find different paths in order to achieve goals. In other words, faith in outcomes based on what we do with that which is within our control.
Realistic optimism, then - or optimism which is not “naive,” but chooses to overcome the unrealistic pessimism and catastrophic thinking our minds so often revert to - follows the some of the following tenants:
Create an accurate understanding of the situation - don't sugarcoat it, what is the real situation right now?
Create an accurate understanding of your personal control within the future possibilities, understand what is out of it
Brainstorm the best possible outcomes going forward
Cultivate an optimistic attitude toward moving toward that outcome
Break down your goals and next steps into smaller goals and next steps - one day at a time, one foot at a time
3. Know That Hard Things Make Us Stronger
Right now we are living through collective trauma - across our global health, psyche, economy, and more - in real-time. And we cannot, and should not, ever deny the very real pain and hardships that come alongside any sort of trauma. But I also want to introduce you to an incredibly beautiful recent concept in psychology we call “Post-Traumatic Growth.” Exactly what it sounds like - in direct contrast to PTSD, while once again not denying the realities of trauma, post-traumatic growth looks specifically at those who have gone through majorly traumatic experiences and not only recover, but actually grow and become stronger because of it.
To these people, such traumatic experience are “wholly transformative.” They completely disrupt one’s previous assumptions of the world or sense of self, and provide an opportunity to rebuild and create new meaning. Some of the of the outcomes post-traumatic growth include:
A greater appreciation of life
Deeper relationships with others
Recognition of on’es personal strength and ability to overcome future adversity
Openness to new possibilities
Spiritual change
So without taking away from the grieving process, the or from allowing ourselves to still feel and embrace all the feelings that come up right now (fear, anxiety, confusion, guilt…), I encourage you to also consider and practice the following:
What, still, do you have to be radically grateful for?
How can you make meaning out of what is going on right now? How is it reshaping your self-understanding or worldview?
What is the “embedded lesson” in this experience? What are you meant to learn?
With that, I will end with a quote from The Alchemist that has been surfacing a lot for me a lot lately:
“Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible.
They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them and their lives.
But as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend…
It’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend.
It prepares your spirit and your will…”*
How is your commitment being tested right now? You have the strength to overcome it. Hard things only make us stronger.
*It is a very significant reality that not all of us have or have had the privilege of having been able to save enough for a 3-6 month emergency fund. This post is not meant to isolate those whose financial circumstances are much more critical at this time, and I encourage you to reach out for financial and social support through other resources available.
**Emphasis my own
Disclaimer: While occasionally I include research and insights from my graduate classes in clinical psychology on my blog, I am not at this time a licensed therapist or mental health provider and therefore no content on this blog or website should not be considered or serve as replacement for therapeutic advice.
