Tools, tips, and musings related to all things therapy and mental health.
Not sure when to stop therapy or how to bring up feedback with your therapist if it’s not working out? It’s common for clients to have a hard time talking to their therapist about things that concern therapy directly. Here, LA therapist Kim Bielak shares a few tips for having difficult conversations with your therapist, and a few things to keep in mind.
"Just tell me what to do."
It's one of the most common things I find my clients saying without - you know - actually saying. Sometimes it's a look in their eye, as they long for me to be the one to save them from the uncomfortable silence. Sometimes it's a subtle sense of frustration in their voice, as they recalibrate their expectations around what they thought therapy would be. And, of course, there are the clients that just lay everything out in front of me and ask: "So now what?"
If I just say the words "awkward silence," can you already start to feel the subtle discomfort begin to creep up through your body? The compulsion to already devise the quickest route to escape it? The anxiety, self consciousness, and existential dread that perhaps this painful experience will never come to an end…
“If over time more and more of a person’s true values become replaced by values taken and borrowed from others but perceived to be their own, the self will become a house divided against itself. They will feel as if they do not really know who they are and what they want.”
- Calvin S. Hall & Gardner Lindzey
Two weeks ago I had my first group supervision as a new Marriage & Family Therapy Trainee at The Center for Professional Counseling. As we discussed each of our clients with my new supervisor - whose thick accent and provocative metaphors makes me feel like I have my very own personal Esther Perel - one of her comments regarding a client stuck with me pretty strongly: "This is a time that we all regress."
A pretty bold statement; and yet it also felt like it hit the nail exactly on the head…
I came across a meme that made me laugh the other day:
“How can psychology majors be depressed…bro, just look at your notes.”
In reality though, psychology students and yes, even your therapist, still have stuff they work through, and yes, even sometimes still struggle with their own mental health battles.
Your struggle doesn’t have to be worse than someone else’s in order for it to be valid.
A lot of times we stop ourselves from feeling what we're feeling because we don't think we should be "allowed" to feel that way. We feel guilty for our emotions because "it shouldn't be a big deal," or "somebody else has it worse"…
While I’ve been hesitant to add more to the current conversation around Coronavirus for many reasons, not least that I am not an expert, and I am especially not an expert on the wide range of ways people from all walks of life are being affected, as I’ve taken call after call these past couple weeks, it has become clear that between layoffs, hiring freezes, and the great uncertainties of how to plan around so many unknowns, we could all use a few more words of hope and comfort as it relates to the future right now, especially those of whose careers are currently up in the air. While I have encouraged many who have been able to keep their jobs and work from home to use this time for more intentional planning and personal reflection, for many in the middle of a transition already this may simply not be a reality. And so I wanted to offer just a few thoughts that I hope will help some of you who are feeling the weight of a changing job market, even if they cannot necessarily speak perfectly to all.
Kim (Bielak) Slipski, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946
(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105
