Tools, tips, and musings related to all things therapy and mental health.
One of the biggest things I do as a coach and as a therapist is hold a mirror up for my clients.
Mirrors make it possible to see some of the things we can't from our own limited point of view, and while often many of these reflections tend to be patterns and beliefs we may have previously been unaware of, I've found that one of the most consistent and significant ways I serve my clients is to mirror the unique strengths and qualities in themselves they simply seem unable to accept.
If I just say the words "awkward silence," can you already start to feel the subtle discomfort begin to creep up through your body? The compulsion to already devise the quickest route to escape it? The anxiety, self consciousness, and existential dread that perhaps this painful experience will never come to an end…
Two weeks ago I had my first group supervision as a new Marriage & Family Therapy Trainee at The Center for Professional Counseling. As we discussed each of our clients with my new supervisor - whose thick accent and provocative metaphors makes me feel like I have my very own personal Esther Perel - one of her comments regarding a client stuck with me pretty strongly: "This is a time that we all regress."
A pretty bold statement; and yet it also felt like it hit the nail exactly on the head…
I came across a meme that made me laugh the other day:
“How can psychology majors be depressed…bro, just look at your notes.”
In reality though, psychology students and yes, even your therapist, still have stuff they work through, and yes, even sometimes still struggle with their own mental health battles.
Did you know that a lot of goals in therapy revolve around helping people become their more "authentic selves"? In fact, the idea of self-actualization as explained by the great humanistic psychologist and theorist Carl Rogers is nothing more than "to be that self which one truly is." So while it might seem like making it to the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs is about becoming someone different, someone "better," or someone society thinks you "should" be, it's actually about a deep sense of self-understanding, authentic living, and peeling away all the layers of conditioning that have been added over time so that you can be more uniquely and authentically YOU.
Your struggle doesn’t have to be worse than someone else’s in order for it to be valid.
A lot of times we stop ourselves from feeling what we're feeling because we don't think we should be "allowed" to feel that way. We feel guilty for our emotions because "it shouldn't be a big deal," or "somebody else has it worse"…
It seems therapy has recently grown quite a bit in popularity, and you need look no further than bestselling books like Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb, shows like Couples Therapy with Dr. Orna Guralnik, or podcasts like Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel (all of which I personally recommend). Therapists have even taken over Instagram with bite-sized recommendations for managing burnout and anxiety, or gentle reminders that you are not defined by your trauma.
So, while my first quarter was not yet focused as much on treatment or applicable takeaways for the everyday person, I thought that given the newfound interest in therapy as a field I’d still share some of what I learned from the therapist-side of things in my classes this past quarter.
Kim (Bielak) Slipski, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #143946
(310) 734-8140 | kimbielaktherapy@gmail.com | 32 S. Raymond Ave, Suite 3B, Pasadena, CA 91105
