Earlier this month I got a call from Bloomberg News looking to discuss how to better take vacation. Yes, you read that right. While it may be come as no surprise, it's certainly worth pausing to reflect on just how far we've gotten from the art of taking a remotely effective vacation when the business section is trying to write about it. And it's true - if we’re not already shortchanging the time off we give ourselves permission to take, many of us go out on vacation so mired in guilt in anxiety that we rob ourselves of the very chance to recharge that it's meant to give us in the first place.
You can read the short piece on Bloomberg here, and, as summer is just around the corner, I thought I’d take the opportunity to share a few more ideas that may help you take back your own vacation below.
Why can it be so hard to disconnect on vacation?
Digital Addiction
It may be a hard pill to swallow, but a lot of our compulsive tendencies to work today hit on the same neural pathways as addiction. Every time we hear the ping of another email or Slack, our brain releases dopamine, and we’ve now trained our brains to anticipate this around the clock. So, it only makes sense that when you attempt to turn these tools off when you go on vacation, you really are putting yourself into a digital detox, and may therefore experience withdrawal-like symptoms such as anxiety, restlessness, or unease.
“Fight or Flight” Mode
Additionally, our stress response has become relatively chronic in many workplace settings today. The spike in cortisol and stress hormones that was once reserved for real (and infrequent) life-or-death threats, is always-on, especially when every day there is a new “fire drill” at the office. When we go on vacation, our nervous system may still be stuck in a state of hypervigilence, meaning it’s still scanning for danger and overestimating the threat of disconnecting from your needs back home. It can truly take time for the nervous system to re-regulate and lean into the idea that you are safe enough to relax.
Blurred Lines
Lastly, always-on communication - especially with the rise of things like Slack and remote work - has really normalized the blurred boundaries between work and home. You may take for granted that you’re already rarely able to truly “disconnect,” but it should come as no surprise that when it comes time for vacation, you don’t have much of a good precedent for being able to step away. It can be a very unfamiliar, and therefore uncomfortable feeling!
Strategies for More Effectively Disconnecting
Write Yourself a Permission Slip
One of the biggest reasons I see clients have a hard time letting go on vacation is because they feel not just worried, but also guilty. Perhaps they feel bad about asking others to cover or pick up some of their work while they’re out, or worry how it might be perceived by others who are stuck in panic mode or wear their own lack of time off as a badge of honor.
If you really want to use your time off effectively, you have to start by actually giving yourself permission to take a vacation. Start by doing some self-inquiry into your own internal belief system: Do you actually believe you deserve or are entitled to time off? Do you believe it’s valuable or additive to step away to recharge? If so, you have to act according to your values - not someone else’s. If not, it may be time to explore some of those narratives.
Align Expectations
One of the biggest pitfalls to disconnecting on vacation is not having a solid plan in place. If you don’t have the right coverage set up, you may find it near impossible to actually turn off your notifications without the pressure of others’ expectations that they can reach you in instances you didn’t necessarily agree to.
Instead, set expectations across your team or organization. Let people know in advance that you won’t be checking email, so they should not expect a response until you return. As for emergencies? If you’re really in a position in which you may need to be reachable, make a backup plan and designate someone you trust - and only that person - to have your emergency line.
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Once you’ve decided on your boundaries, set and stick to them. For most, this should really mean no email, no Slack, no work, lest you give yourself an inch and end up taking a mile. If you’re really concerned about things piling up, plan for a buffer day or two between your vacation and return to work so you can catch up and and get organized around the things you may have missed while you were out.
And if you’re in the type of position that really does require you to check back in, take time to really structure and define your terms - it might be an hour in the morning before everyone gets up, or designate certain “on call” hours if you have a particularly important meeting or call. No one is meant to be on call 24/7. Even actual firefighters, doctors, and crisis counselors have designated “on call” and work hours so that they can be off when they’re off.
Strategies for Actually Being Able to Recharge on Your Vacation
Be Patient
First, for the many reasons outlined above, expect in advance that it may take a bit of time for you to unwind and settle into your vacation, so don’t panic if you aren’t immediately able to relax. Instead, let yourself ease in, and use some of the tools you might at home when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. In a way it’s not dissimilar from planning for a bit of jet lag at the start of your trip.
Get Present
Not sure where to start? Some of the most effective ways to help the nervous system re-regulate is to do things that get you out of the head and get back into the body and the present moment. If you find you aren’t immediately dive into a book at the beach without feeling tense or being distracted by thoughts of work, get up and get into the water. Use your five senses to notice things like the smell of the salt water, the feeling of sand between your toes, or allow the general bobbing of the waves soothe you into a slower pace. This could also look like booking a massage or going for a long run.
Be Intentional About Your Unique Needs
Whether it’s because they have a degree of ADHD or are just too high-strung, quite a few of my clients simply can’t tolerate sitting in a lounge chair and sipping a piña colada…and that can be ok. In fact, contrary to popular belief, there are many types of rest - it’s about finding the ones that you either need, or work for you most. For example, if you can’t sit still, get out in nature and go for a beautiful hike. If you’re feeling stagnant and need some creative inspiration, get yourself to a museum. If you’re feeling lost, find a temple. What’s most important is that you remain mindful of the intention to recharge - so you don’t suddenly find yourself rushing from site to site, and reservation to reservation, only to make yourself more stressed by your vacation.
Taking vacation - and then truly using vacation - have become somewhat of a luxury to many people today. But if you feel like you’re going against the grain, I challenge you to be the one who sets the example for others at your organization. Vacations give us a chance not only to take a break and reset, but they also usually give us some much-needed perspective. Perspective that makes us not only better at our lives, but even the work we end up returning to.
I hope you take some time to recharge and reflect this summer, and I wish you and your loved ones a valuable one as you do.
