How do you know if your partner is cheating? What should you do if you start to suspect?

The minute people suspect a partner is cheating, they often start to investigate. They ask questions like “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” and “Why didn’t you answer my call?” These questions can often put the accused party on defense, and become frustrated or even avoid the questions all together, only further adding to their partners concern.

But when you start to become worried about cheating, what you’re really doing is surfacing a core issue in your relationship around trust.

Sometimes partners become suspicious of cheating because their trust (whether in the current relationship or a former) has been broken before. Past experience colors present, and leaves the other party feeling accused and upset about the lack of trust. On the other hand, people usually cheat when there is something wrong in the relationship. Perhaps they don’t feel safe enough to open up about the problems they’re having, or don’t trust their partner won’t turn it against them.

The thing is, when we suspect cheating we tend to ask all the wrong questions because we’re too focused on building evidence to considering what’s going on with us or in the relationship itself.

When you start to worry about cheating, first ask yourself:

What's going on in the relationship that might be tempting your partner to wander?
What's coming up for you that might be triggering you to doubt them?
Why is there lack of trust in the relationship, and what can you do to rebuild it?

Unfortunately looking for proof of cheating only usually drives one partner into a state of suspicion and paranoia, further dividing you as a couple at a time in which you need to find a way to reconnect most.

Rather than focusing solely on your partner, if you suspect cheating, it's time to turn your attention toward your relationship as a whole.